Fiendish quincadents
by Karin Starsen
Summary: Who is Bob? It doesn't matter! He saves the World, but nobody knows it... And will Clarissa ever get Bob's heart? Spira is his first place... where will he go next?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing from final fantasy or any other game this might resemble at some point or another. Or a show, or movie or anything else that I didn't create!**

Once upon a time, in a land far, far…. Far far far away, there was a boy name… Bob. This land of Bob's is called Spira. These are Bob's adventures about how he many times saves the land of Spira, without anyone else knowing. And Clarissa's attempts at Bob's heart. It starts at training school when Bob is 16…

"But master, I've learned this move before…"

"Practice again!"

"But why?"

The old gray man whacks Bob in the back of the head with his staff. "That's why! Take your sword and decapitate the dummie!"

"But it's a dummie of a fiend!"

"That's sort of the point, young idiot."

"But I like fiends! I can talk to them!"

The master looked dumbfounded. "You can talk to the fiends? You like them! Get out, out out out!"

The master keeps smacking Bob on the back of the head until he runs out of the master's hut into macalania forest. Little to Bob's knowledge, he is being watched by Clarissa, Bob's little sister's best friend's older sister who has a crush on him. She hides in the bushes and watched Bob run towards the shoopuff.

"Oh Bob," she mumbles under her breath. "How will you ever notice me?"

Then she had an idea… He must get to Luca while she was there! So she called up her friends, the gullwings and told them to put on a concert in Luca. They agreed, and started advertising right away.

When Bob got to the shoopuf, he heard about the concert.

"Shee you shoon, right?" asked the little blue man.

"Um, since your forced the tickets upon me, and if I go, you'll put your gun away, than yeah I guess."

"Hash a nishe day!" Said the blue man, putting away the 12-gage and walking to the next 'customer'.

So off Bob was to Luca. It took him two days, but he got there. A creepy man greeted him to take his ticket to the concert, and he entered into the sphere dome. On the way in, he passed a dark hallway with tons of fiends inside.

_What are you doing in there?_ He asked in fiend tongue.

_Waiting._

_For what?_

_Some guy named 'Bob' to come. We were sent by Clarissa._

_Oh… what does she want?_

_She was gesturing for us to jump out and attack her… scratch her up a bit, yada yada… then she expected this Bob guy to save her. But we plan on taking out the whole stadium and going on a rampage._

_Hey, I'm Bob! Don't do that! I'll give you a thousand gil if you don't!_

_Now you're talking my language!_

Bob gave the fiend 1000 gil, than the fiends were off. He miraculously saved the day, but nobody knew. So he went on to see the concert, completely forgetting about Clarissa.

Clarissa sat in her seat, waiting for something to happen. The fiends never came.

"Stupid fiends! I shall get you next time, and Bob will be mine!"

(Hope you liked it, next chapter coming soon. Soonish.)


	2. Chapter 2

Bob left Luca once the concert was over, and headed for Besaid. Clarissa found out through her multiple connections…

"Have you seen Bob mr. psychic?"

"I forsee him going off to Besaid…."

"Great, thanks…"

"That will be 20 gil."

"20 gil!"

... right… so she snuck on to the same boat as him. She had a hard time trying to avoid him, seeing as she wanted to watch him all the time, but somehow Bob never noticed that she was there… Bob got off and went to his faveorite place in Besaid… his home! Inside, his little sister went ballistic that he was back and hadn't brought her a present.

"bobby! Why didn't you bring me something? You've been gone for years, and you didn't find the time to buy me something!"

"Dear little sister, I promise to buy you something next time I'm away."

"Well… alright."

His little sister gave him a hug, then ran out the door. Bob decided to go to the beach. It was another time for Clarissa to have a horrible plan. She started messing with some machine, hoping to get herself 'trapped' on the way to the beach where Bob would see her, but she accidentally hit a few wrong buttons, and connected the wrong wires and created a Machina of mass destruction!

"Uh oh…" Clarissa says, before running away to hide in the woods. Then Bob came along and saw the evil Machina heading for the village.

"Oh no, I have to stop it!" he cried. He ran after the Machina and started chucking stones at it. It turned around and aimed a huge lazer cannon at Bob.

"You have angered me," said the Machina, a little robotically.

"Well you have angered me!"

"I… I did?" the Machina asked, now in a sobbing female voice.

"Uh…. Yeah?"

"Oh Bob, I'm soo sorry!... No you aren't, you were about to destroy his town!... No, I am! Please Bob, forgive me!...He'll never forgive us now you idiot!"

"Bob, slightly confused that the Machina of mass destruction was fighting with itself, asked, "Hey, do you want to go for a swim?"

"Sure!"

"You jump in first!"

The Machina ran to the edge of the cliff by the cave and jumped down into the water crying 'weeee!', thus electicuting itself once it hit the water, and Bob once again saved Spira without anybody but Clarissa knowing.

Bob turned around and headed towards the dock to catch a boat, mistaking Clarissa's screams of rage for a tropical bird…

(Yup, another random chapter. Happy birthday, enjoy now!)


End file.
